[ It takes a moment to read that all. To read and digest, and Robby doesn't even question the change of punctuation for it.
Of course he can't understand, not really. Even with what Vi shares -- that was her life, not his. He can understand the feeling of being a fuckup, of everything going wrong around you, the things you wish could've gone differently, and the pointlessness of wishes that'll never come true. You get dealt a shitty hand, and it can come from love, concern, care -- and that's what you're left with.
You would've rather rotted than had that love. Even now, the kindness is hard to see with everything that followed suit. ]
life sucks. i get it. you sit and remember the place it could have gone different and you wouldn't have been the fuck up i'm sorry you lost him and everyone. people make choices because they care about you and it blows up. i think about where my life changed and where it could have gone different too. but it didn't fall apart like it did for you
it just sucks
[ That's all that's left out of it, the decisions made, the way they accumulate.
I think about him, about them, all the time. I just keep it to myself a lot. Or I keep it short.
I think about what you said, where and how it could have gone different, but that never changes how it went.
You're right, it sucks. But there's good things I remember, too. Like how you told me about your small apartment? And then I talked about my tiny place? But if all I felt was bad, I wouldn't have gotten inked here. When I look at my tattoo, I think about the good, which is exactly what he'd want me to think about. They all would, except maybe Mylo, who'd want me to think of something funny he said, or cool that he did.
Sometimes it's just so much easier to remember the bad. I hate that.
It's weird, because I feel better than I thought I would have after saying it. Maybe that's part of why this is happening, or maybe it's because it's you, or maybe I just feel better. I don't know.
maybe next time we can get a better memory. they show up in books or whatever. i could see him again but with you. better than the other memories ive been stuck in
id like that if we got the chance and if you want to. maybe you can talk to me about him some time. you and him and your family. id like to hear it
youre a good person to me, vi. youve always been good to me
Maybe so. I'll drop that in the Trench suggestion box. If there's room left.
I'd like that, too. And I know I've said it before, but it's a two way street, and I'm a closed door as far as that goes, you say it, it stays with me unless you tell me otherwise.
I could say the same about you. I do, actually. You inspired me to create a motto for my house. Sansa gave me a fancy house name from her world, and named me a Lady, but one of my mottos is all you.
[...forming the ideas of a winter holiday gift just now.]
Awesome Friends Incorporated One more badge to put on my jacket, I guess. It's getting pretty full, but I'm not complaining. No problem. I like hanging out with you, too.
no subject
Of course he can't understand, not really. Even with what Vi shares -- that was her life, not his. He can understand the feeling of being a fuckup, of everything going wrong around you, the things you wish could've gone differently, and the pointlessness of wishes that'll never come true. You get dealt a shitty hand, and it can come from love, concern, care -- and that's what you're left with.
You would've rather rotted than had that love. Even now, the kindness is hard to see with everything that followed suit. ]
life sucks. i get it. you sit and remember the place it could have gone different and you wouldn't have been the fuck up
i'm sorry you lost him and everyone. people make choices because they care about you and it blows up. i think about where my life changed and where it could have gone different too. but it didn't fall apart like it did for you
it just sucks
[ That's all that's left out of it, the decisions made, the way they accumulate.
Sometimes, life really does just suck. ]
no subject
I think about what you said, where and how it could have gone different, but that never changes how it went.
You're right, it sucks. But there's good things I remember, too. Like how you told me about your small apartment? And then I talked about my tiny place? But if all I felt was bad, I wouldn't have gotten inked here. When I look at my tattoo, I think about the good, which is exactly what he'd want me to think about. They all would, except maybe Mylo, who'd want me to think of something funny he said, or cool that he did.
Sometimes it's just so much easier to remember the bad. I hate that.
It's weird, because I feel better than I thought I would have after saying it. Maybe that's part of why this is happening, or maybe it's because it's you, or maybe I just feel better. I don't know.
I'm glad you got to see him ...alive.
no subject
id like that if we got the chance and if you want to. maybe you can talk to me about him some time. you and him and your family. id like to hear it
youre a good person to me, vi. youve always been good to me
no subject
I'd like that, too. And I know I've said it before, but it's a two way street, and I'm a closed door as far as that goes, you say it, it stays with me unless you tell me otherwise.
I could say the same about you. I do, actually. You inspired me to create a motto for my house. Sansa gave me a fancy house name from her world, and named me a Lady, but one of my mottos is all you.
[...forming the ideas of a winter holiday gift just now.]
no subject
im cool talking about our families. to be honest ive told you most of mine. not really a lot there. a crew though? i missed out on having my own crew
and i did? what was it. fuck trench? i think someone came up with that before me
fuck not having shoes?
fuck trench part 2
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You've got a crew here, though. You know it's true.
"STARTING SHIT TO STOP SHIT"
It's a great motto.
no subject
glad my time in juvie got somethin good out of it
speaking of crews
scorpia called us who went shopping something like awesome friends incorporated
but yeah. ur not bad to hang out with. thanks vi
no subject
One more badge to put on my jacket, I guess. It's getting pretty full, but I'm not complaining.
No problem. I like hanging out with you, too.