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[if not him it would have been someone else, right? right?? she'll never believe him to be the culprit, the villain, or at fault for this. that's someone else's bullshit to bear.]

Then you just try. And you do your best. Your best might suck compared to someone else's, so ...stop comparing. You know if you're trying or not. And if your hundred percent looks like someone else's fifty, that's not your problem.

We can't do shit about the past. But you're right. We can do shit about being here. Talking's good sometimes, but it's not a cure-all. I'm all for you getting stronger, whatever that means to you.

But I don't want anyone dying to protect me. Been there, done that, still have the nightmares. Still dealing with the fallout, even here.

[icanhearscreams]

... Yeah. I have those nightmares, too. Even if some of them didn't care about me, all of the others died to protect me.

[Well. Except one of them, who was a coward and tried to run. But that's a story for another time.]

I... I'm trying. I don't want to slow you down. I don't want to hold you back. If we're in a situation where you have to protect me I... want you to be able to focus on protecting yourself.

[He doesn't want to die for Vi. He doesn't want to die at all, but he did. He knows people come back here but... what if they don't? He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.]

I'm... starting karate. Not with that Johnny asshole, with the other guy. I want to be able to fight, not just run.