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[oh, the words hurt. they hurt like the slow curl of fingers around her heart - a gentle, painful squeeze that stills her breath again - until she lets herself breathe through it. none of this will be easy. that's fine. they're both messed up. they've both messed up. they could both be problems, but the idea that jinx was a problem for existing? a mistake? no. vi had made her share of those, too. if she wanted to get down to shitty brass tacks then she'd made the mistake. she'd made jinx after all, right? so fuck that line of thinking. toss it right off the roof and into that pretty place she couldn't quite see with her own eyes - maybe it's got a volcano that can swallow it right up and belch out some butterflies.

if jinx happens to fall asleep, vi will carry her into bed and tuck her in. she will sit up for a while - take out her sketchbook, and draw a peaceful sister, sleeping for as long as she's able. she has tried to draw her before - many times in the month before they'd found each other - but this one has life in it.

if she denies it later, vi might quote what she remembers. and she remembers enough to search for the song when she's able.]

(jinx, indeed, falls asleep. those last words of her song turned into mutters and then silence. but it's to be expected with her working so hard on the tree house and finally getting some mental peace from her mind. as she is tucked in and vi sitting there doodling, mr. bananas had followed along but also shrinking himself way tiny (small bird-size) and perches himself on vi's shoulder to look at the drawing.)

Very nice. You are a very good artist. I know I am Jinx's omen and I try very hard to support her emotionally and mentally. But if you want to chat with me too, I am happy to help! I'm a good listener. Would you like to talk about anything?

Thanks, Mr. B.

[she whispers, low voiced against her shoulder, lest she wake the sleeping jinx. she's been going hard at that treehouse, and doing an impressive job, but even sleepers have to sleep. and jinx ...maybe more than some of them. her mind - it's almost always going.]

I guess there's so much I don't talk about I wouldn't know where to start. Mostly, I'm just scared of messing up again. Saying the wrong thing, not being there at the right time. Seeing and hearing things I'm...

...I'm afraid to tell her, but I know that I have to. Eventually. I gotta trust that she can handle it. And then if she can't, I gotta trust myself to handle ...that.

Tell her what if I may ask? If it's too personal, I understand that too.

The book I touched. One of her memories was in it, and it...

...I'm okay now, but it was bad. Like, "lost my mind a little" bad. You remember. Fang told me you helped. A lot.

It was her and ...Silco. I was her, but also me. Some of what Silco said were lies. About me. That's how I know he was lying. I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't believe me.

And I don't want to make her ...doubt things more. She's got enough of that already.

Oh, I see...

(he taps his chin with his finger and then crawls carefully down to sit on the drawing. not trying to be rude about it but so they can see each other face to face.)

What she have told me of Mr. Silco, he seemed stern but he took care of her growing up. I know that's something you don't want to hear because I'm very certain YOU took care of her too before then. Jinx acknowledges that you did. She cares and loves you. But you need to understand that she cares and loves Mr. Silco, too.

(mr.bananas grabs his own tail and smooths out some of his fluff fur; somehow getting a little puffy.)

View this in a different angle. You were arrested, right? Well. If Silco hadn't been there, where do you think Jinx would be right now? I know that's something you don't WISH to think about. Probably very painful to but... you DO have to owe it to Mr. Silco just a little bit. He gave her shelter and food while you were taken away. Jinx probably wouldn't be with us today without his assistance. As for everything ELSE....well...

(he finishes with his tail then ponders for a small minute.)

I think if that's a conversation you wish to have with Jinx, it would be better if Mr. Silco was present, too? Although... that could lead into another, ah, incident. But maybe this go around, no weapons will be involved. Because if you tell her now, yes, she will doubt more and she can't consult Mr.Silco. So it'll be on her mind constantly.

Edited 2022-09-30 03:45 (UTC)

I know he took care of her.

[vi is certain she might have done a better job if she hadn't been carted away, locked away - but might have leaves room for her own doubts. what of the vi that hit powder? the vi that said all of those words she could never take back?]

And I know she ...cares for him. Loves him, even. It's why I didn't punch his sorry ass right back into the ocean the first time I saw him.

[she's learned a little skill in listening without interrupting. and half of that's things like ninja school and meditation whilst the other half is purely not wanting to wake her sister, or to raise her voice. she's quiet for a little while, choosing her words carefully, reaching down to smudge a bit of the sketch - a but of shadow in the cheekbone. and here, under the brows.]

I think about that all the time. What might have happened if she were on her own. If nobody---

---or if he'd decided just to kill her. But if he doesn't come back, she's just gonna think I cared more about some dumb gemstone than I did her. And I hate knowing that. I hate not being straight with her, and I hate that that book---

[...revising that last part. she doesn't hate the book as much as she thought she did. she's not grateful, but she's got a better idea of things now, if that memory can be trusted - and she feels as if it can, until she deviated from the script.]

You're right. I'll work on this on my own. Find a way to get through it and ...wait. Backburner it. 'cause she doesn't need any more shit.

What you are doing right now is helping her see you don't care for the stone. And I believe this treehouse of hers will be a lot of help to her, too. A nice safe space of her own to grow and think.

(he carefully moves out of the way of her drawing to perch at the end of the bed. meanwhile, jinx shifts just a bit in her sleep but nothing much else -- returning back to breathing soundly.)

She needs you more than she lets on. I do believe she can handle herself when it comes to enemies and monsters. I have no doubt in my mind about that. But... it's the growing part she really needs you on. Jinx spent so long working towards the independence for your home. But now that no longer matters, she is... a bit lost. All that's left is for her is to be a normal teenager and she doesn't know how to do that.

"Powder" had friends but not "Jinx". "Powder" had a daily every day normal routine but not "Jinx". Even the "Jinx" back in Zaun had some sort of structure or missions to take on every day. Here, she doesn't. I don't think she needs a strict routine or anything. She'll only rebel. But maybe...

(he taps his chin in thought.)

... Maybe something like on Mondays, she goes out jogging and the rest of the day she can do whatever she likes.

(then he realizes he's been chatting too much then waves his hands a bit in a flail.)

Oh, I'm sorry for going on like this. Like you, I'm also trying to figure her out.

[vi very much likes the idea of jinx having her own space. not so much because she wants her space back (maybe the tiniest bit but in the end she'll take jinx in all her spaces over her absence) but because her sister deserves it. deserves her own things and her own place to sleep or sulk or invite others into - boundaries. a place where she can shut the door and say 'no come back later' - and what could be better than building those boundaries with her own hands?]

Yeah, she needs that. To be in control of where she ...fits. In all of this. She decided to build it here, that's something. She deserves a place where she can feel safe. And make friends.

We can figure her out together. [over here, while jinx also figures herself out from the inside.] I just gotta make sure I give her all the right tools. I can't make her do the stuff but I can tell her 'hey, there's all this stuff'.

[a little yawn. a little steal of a glance at jinx as she stirs - watching her breathing for signs of disquiet, and finding no huge red flags she turns back to the drawing, to the omen.]

Is jogging something you think she'd like to do?

Hm, I think so. She did a lot of training under Silco. Target practicing, physical fitness, all the sorts! Now that I think about it, that's something maybe you and her can do together.

... Do you want me to tell you a little secret?

[she leans in closer, her voice still a whisper.]

Of course.

[as long as it's okay with jinx, is what she wants to say. but mr. bananas is part of jinx, so it's fine. she doesn't need to ask.]

(he whispers back and even giggles a little.)

In hand to hand combat, she fights exactly like you. All the exact moves and everything. Watching her is like watching a tiny Vi.

[she'd never thought to look for this.]

You know I'm never going to be able to unsee this now that it's out, right?

[she's smiling as she looks down, away and at her sleeping sister.]

Next time she is training, I'll send you a video of her. Her strengths are more so in her legs though. Jinx can really kick, like whoa.

Edited 2022-10-09 05:06 (UTC)

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