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cw: trauma + being broken

[opheliac]

( if she is doing good and she was helping, then why doesn't it feel like it? why does it feel like she failed everyone around her? why does her chest ache so much and her heart is falling apart into million pieces? jinx tries to calm her breathing even when her grip on her sister is clingy and desperate. she knows vi won't walk out on her again, but the fear managed to slip through a crack to bubble itself up to the surface. because if chizuru is gone for good, vi will be next too, right?

the teen swallows the lump down in her already dry throat -- it screams for water but she'll ignore its cries for now. the lift of her chin, however, is something she didn't know she needed. it's a gentle and subtle thing, but jinx bathes practically into the affection that's being given. and it seems to be soothing her hysterical distress and her heart pounds slower yet still a little frantic. jinx listens, really listens to vi's words because she knows they are important. they are coming from a place of love and not... judgement. )

I...I... ( is she sure? the look she gave definitely appeared fearful and real. but her voices chimed in and she saw mylo, silco, and the monsters there too. so which was real and what was fiction?

her voice shrinks with so much uncertainty -- her eyes pink, large, puffy, and mixed with nerves. )

She... looked scared. There was no one else in the room 'sides us. So...

( what else could she had been afraid of beyond jinx? )

[faceblocks]

What if she was afraid of saying the wrong thing? Or of makin' you upset, or of just having a fight in the first place?

Not everyone's like me, barreling in like a bull in a china shop. [she's thoughtful a moment, frowning - there are times she's second guessed her words, too. times she's had to choose them carefully. but vi's pretty good under pressure, and she doesn't know if chizuru is. she doesn't seem to be, but that's not always a good measure, lots of things seem one way only to turn out another. so...] Maybe she just clammed up.

[bring on all the desperation, all the cling - there's no judgment about that, here. if anything, it's filling a void that opened up many years ago by her own hand - a hand that's steady on her sister's face and trying so hard to be a comfort. she can feel the steadying spread through the bond of blood - attempt to slow the rapid fire of her sister's heartbeat, and she keeps her own breathing slow, measured, moving chakra to steady it even further. she means what she says even if it's speculation.]

You two should talk it out. Not this minute, but ...it's hard to guess what someone else is thinking when you can't read minds.

[a small smile]

Unless you're us, with the bond and the rings.

[opheliac]

( the blessing and the curse of having a blood bond with her sister. she doesn't regret it, of course. it's just sometimes she wishes she could shield away what she is feeling -- to stuff it in a bag, tie it up to a brick, then let it sink to the bottom of the ocean. she can't do that with her sister attached, but that's the point of having this bond. the point is for the two of them to understand each other, to stop each other's craze mind (more her than vi), and to just... cool off.

but it gets embarrassing, sometimes. like right now, jinx will hate herself for showing this horrendous vulnerable side of her. some prodigy she cracked out to be -- letting herself get so worked up over a girl she's only dated for two months. and it's suppose to be a casual thing, nothing serious. and yet leave it to jinx to take this up a notch and make it serious. and for once, she is glad silco is not around to witness her behaving like this. she can almost hear him now: 'i've warned you, child. have you forgotten my lessons? i was preparing and protecting you from those who will deceive you. you're suppose to keep a watchful eye, not let yourself go blind.' )

( just the thought of those words make her want to hide in her hair in shame. and what an idiot move to use the "L" word. hello? casual, stupid. not... — her sister's breathing barges through her tornadic thoughts. it comes in like a wave but more like an easy breeze than rough crash of the ocean. and jinx allows it to flow through her; synchronizing with it immediately. her heart drums softer and her shivers are evaporating into cool air in her sister's room. )

( maybe chizuru did clamp up, maybe she never experienced being in an argument before or thought it couldn't happen in relationships. and somewhere deep in her twisted soul, jinx knows the two of them need to talk again -- to explain herself better. but the fear of saying something wrong again... or her "jinx" getting in the way again. the baby sister frowns and despite knowing vi is right, she buries her face back into her midriff. )

My eyes hurt...

( she mumbles into her sister's stomach; rubbing her wet face against her clothing. )