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I'm serious, Jinx. We don't have to talk now, if you're okay with waiting. I'm not okay with waiting, but I'll do it if that's what you really want. If waiting is somehow better. For you.

five mins. give me five mins to get smth to drink or have ur blood stones ready.

Okay. We can do this wherever you want.

my place. ill let mr.bananas let u in. ill meet u at my porch.

[it's the least she can do since she's forcing the issue, but she's let it go on and fester for too long as it is, and it's not doing either of them any favors. she understands more some of the hard calls that vander made when they were smaller, and that's ...it's sobering, and it hurts, but it's probably necessary.

she'll be there in five, no sooner than five. maybe six. or seven. better more time than less time.]

( and as promised, mr. bananas will let her inside her home and then hurries to sprint to his sleeper. the weather is a bit chilly to be out on this porch, but luckily, jinx has several fuzzy blankets ready to go for cuddling and warmth. on the table are the bloodstones, two glasses, wine, juice, and little snacks. scented candles are lit too -- the aroma of sweet lavender which fills the air thanks to the occasional breezes.

the sad thing though, there are no roses in her home unlike everyone else's. jinx has no roomies so she doesn't get blessed with them. but there are a few pedals that mr.bananas collected in a glass jar during his own outing. he did this so his sleeper wouldn't feel left out on the love. when vi sees her baby sister, she's already tucked in underneath the blanket with her legs prop up close to her chest. jinx is on her omni and by the sound of it, its seems like she's playing a game. spider solitaire, to be exact.)

Edited 2023-02-12 04:32 (UTC)

[she'll slide in, all softer footfalls and a slow pace to the porch, taking in the blankets, the scent of lavender drifting past as she sees the snacks, steps closer and pours herself a glass of ...juice before sitting down.

not for the first time, she's glad of the bloodstones - if anything, she wishes she'd had more of them made.

what she doesn't wish, is to make this any harder than it already is - but that's been some of the problem with her, hasn't it? she's gone soft, held back when she should have pushed. and in a way, it's a disservice to jinx, because every time she backs off? isn't that like saying that her sister can't handle it? maybe she can't. but ...it looks like she's trying. and vi's expression is both solemn and surprised and a sad smile tugs her lips before she clears her throat. clears the air.]

Hey.

( the sound of her sister approaching and clearing her throat, she breaks her attention from her game -- a light bite of her inner lower lip. )

Hey.

( she says this right back; no anger or fill with nerves. it's probably the bloodstone's doing. jinx saves her progress in the game and sets it beside her, but in her place, mr. bananas crawls up in his sleeper's lap and arms. and as usual whenever he gets like this, she holds him close almost like he is a small child of hers. he chirps to her while he relaxes and headbutts her into her chest; this encourages her to rock him gently and smoothing out his fur. )

— Didn't know if you wanted snacks. I know we sorta had dinner already...

[there's no easy way to start this, is there? vi's full of nerves, and jinx might be aware of them - the constant brush aside, the push beneath, everything vi tries to tamp them down, because this is go time. she's either ready or she isn't. and she knows deep down ...she is. she just has to be level about it. no yelling. no getting worked up over the small stuff. (small stuff? is any of this truly small?) this is big picture stuff. just tell the truth. she thinks as she watches the omen climb into her sister's embrace.]

If you're having snacks I'm having snacks. We're on your turf, so you get advantage. [is that how that goes?] What I mean is, you can go first. Say ...whatever. My ass stays planted here, no matter what.

What am I suppose to say? ( she asks almost defeated while bouncing her monkey still. jinx avoids looking at her sister and instead glances out to the open yard of the rookery and sky. )

... Everyone says this is my second shot in life. To start over and do good — ( the sibling stops again as she tries to find the right wording.)

I'm tryin' to have that, but I don't want things to repeat itself here. I'm tryin' to stop it before it happens. I want us to stay sisters and I don't want anything to get in-between that.

I don't want us to grow apart, so I'm trying really, really, really hard to accept things. But it gets hard. I try not to get upset with you seeing Sansa as your sister, trying not to get upset about Caitlyn. I want to trust you that you won't leave me, but it's hard.

( she falls quiet for a moment. )

Like I wanna trust Silco and that's hard. Especially when... he told me one thing and you're sayin' another. I want him here so I can ask him about it. Finally get all of this sorted so I can stop... thinking about it.

[maybe it's easier if she doesn't look jinx in the eye too - it certainly might be - she'd be unable to see any damage she'd inflicted, for one - but she's not about to spare herself that. she watches her sister thoughtfully, flicking her gaze away every now and then.]

I'm trying to stop it, too. We're on the same page with that. I'd rather lose an arm than lose you. That lose my shot, our shot ...at this.

It's my second shot, too. I messed a lot of shit up, and I'm not side-stepping that part. It only works if I own what I did, but I can only own that. You're the most important person in the world to me, this world, or home ...that part doesn't change. You've got people here you'd throw down for, and ...well, I've got room enough for my people. Sansa's got a whole family she feels that same way about. No pushing Robb or Arya out of the way for me. And sworn sister or not, all I did was add another chair to the table. It's a big table, and you've already got the seat of honor, y'know? Nobody's bumping my blood sister out of a slot.

I see you trying. Don't think for a moment I don't see you. That means more to me than I can ever say. If you need me to say it out loud, I can do that, too. I can say every day, "Just so you know, I'm still here. Not leaving you. Not going anywhere unless some Pthumerian decides it's my lucky day."

No matter how hard it gets, I'm not leaving you.

[she frowns before she speaks, the words themselves hard to force out - the perspective painful to take. but it's necessary, and it's something she'd yell at silco for not doing - so she'll leap into the grey area of defending him, of playing devil's advocate even if it hurts. most things worth anything hurt, right?]

Maybe he said what he did because he was afraid of losing you. Afraid you'd choose me over him, and it was out before he could stop it. Maybe it was just his assumption, and he doesn't even think he lied. Maybe he just thinks I could forget you because ...I dunno. Maybe he thinks Vander forgot him. Maybe he did, because what the hell do I know about anything?

[that's hard for her to think about: vander letting someone down. but he was no saint - he'd talked solemnly about making mistakes - he'd just never elaborated on them.]

( all throughout her sister's big emotional spill, she makes brief glances to her, to her omen (who is now asleep), and at the table in front of them. she is quiet to let her speak, of course, and although her gaze is all over the place, jinx is listening. in fact, she scoots closer inch by inch to her sibling until their arms meet into a bump. there's slight hesitation from her at first, but she carefully rests her head against vi's shoulder -- stroking the fur of her sleeping monkey with ease.

deep down, jinx knows vi cares very deeply for her. she can feel how high she has her in ranks. to anyone else, that should be enough. but jinx isn't like everyone else. despite all logic, her irrational fears and whispers try so desperately to convince her that vi's feelings are being fabricated in some way. as if vi, somehow, unlocked a way to mask her emotions through whatever technique she mastered -- like that day she tackled her down.

trench is filled with so many different people, magic users, potion sellers, and who knows what else. anyone could had taught her that ability or sold her something, right? or maybe it's possible through meditation? if not that, maybe vileblood has an extra ability jinx isn't aware of. it's not like jinx knows all the ins and out of every single blood type and what they can do. )

( regardless, she pushes back all of those wild possibilities to the far depths of her mind and focuses on her sister's words. her chilled cheek rubs along vi's arm as she looks out to the sky before them again. )

I won't leave you, either. ... Even if Silco comes back.

( because if silco is afraid of losing her over vi then it makes sense that her big sister has the same exact fear too, right? )

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cw: paranoia narration