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[mehanizovati]

[a grimace because uh, yeah. can imagine. still he shakes his head.] Of course she did, she was the same- is the same, I suppose. A child trying to survive a seemingly impossible situation.

Does she like 'Jinx?' [this feels like a loaded question to him, but an important one.]

[faceblocks]

She says she does. She doesn't like to talk about Powder, and when she does it's like she's talking about ...someone else. Someone dead. It makes her feel weak, and probably a lot of other things I can't...

[oh, no, she can guess.]

...second fiddle. Maybe third. She likes the power. More than that I think she likes feeling like she's not a liability, even though sometimes she still feels like she is, but that's only the fucked up voices in her head. They're all full of shit, and most of the time, I think they lie.

[mehanizovati]

[so it's deeply complicated. not even remotely surprising.]

And this business with the shimmer didn't help matters. Thank gods she wasn't a paleblood, we're prone to hallucinations. [jinx doesn't need more of those!]

I can hardly blame her, I suppose. Who wouldn't want to be a version of themselves that feels the most untouchable? Even if it's a flimsy barrier.

[faceblocks]

No, I think she lucked out on the blood if I'm honest. Even if she wears her emotions on her ...everything, now. It's not like she was that good at hiding them before.

I get it. I want that, too. I've always wanted that, but not as badly, I guess. And my head's full of shit sometimes, but less shit than she's got. It's hard to blame her when she can't always tell what's real.

You know, that's the second thing she said to me after all those years. First thing was my name, but she asked me if I was real. I thought it was just an expression, just surprise, overwhelm, I don't know. But no, that was her asking me literally if she could trust what she was seeing.

Maybe it's better now that you saw everything. Or ...whatever. Most of the things.