[seeing you as a child. that's what does it, what clues her in. it also gives her an idea of ...what he may have seen. she's not exactly panicking, because she's told him the worst of it even if that was trench's doing and not her own - she'd made her peace with that months ago, almost right after it happened. it had felt ...not good, but she felt better to be able to spill those feelings, the messy truth of it. it had felt a little good when he blamed her, too, even if that had been trench, too. n, she's not panicking, but there's something different when you have to see a thing for yourself. or ...experience it. and then she reads the rest of it and she thinks she knows exactly what he's seen.]
Maybe we just started real young.
[it's the start of a funny joke, but her voice breaks a little, and only a little - she's not crying, she's just ...a little lost in the haze of memories she'd stuffed down where nothing else dwells. she can't seem to pull all of them back up no matter how hard she tries.]
I'm not surprised. I wish I were, but...
...I'm sorry you got the shit end of the stick, too. For nothing. I mean, you weren't breaking into their penthouses and making shit go boom, you were in their terms [another dead-on impersonation of cassandra kiramman] "rising above it". It being the audacity and bad luck to be born a Trencher. And if they were honest? Probably "rising above your station", which is all a bunch of bullshit.
They're not better, they just have more. They've never had to fight each other for a meal, or watch people waste away like it's just another day. Sometimes I feel sorry for them, because most of them would probably turn on each other faster and worse than we ever could. And the good ones? They'd never see it coming.
It means something that you know, that you knew, that you'd take the time to tell me this.
You don't owe me an apology. I'm only taking it because you're stubborn, but you're undercity stubborn. You've walked in both worlds, and maybe you feel like you don't belong in either, or only one of them, or maybe I'm talking out of my ass. But to me you're "one of us", whatever that means to you.
voice: un: vi
Maybe we just started real young.
[it's the start of a funny joke, but her voice breaks a little, and only a little - she's not crying, she's just ...a little lost in the haze of memories she'd stuffed down where nothing else dwells. she can't seem to pull all of them back up no matter how hard she tries.]
I'm not surprised. I wish I were, but...
...I'm sorry you got the shit end of the stick, too. For nothing. I mean, you weren't breaking into their penthouses and making shit go boom, you were in their terms [another dead-on impersonation of cassandra kiramman] "rising above it". It being the audacity and bad luck to be born a Trencher. And if they were honest? Probably "rising above your station", which is all a bunch of bullshit.
They're not better, they just have more. They've never had to fight each other for a meal, or watch people waste away like it's just another day. Sometimes I feel sorry for them, because most of them would probably turn on each other faster and worse than we ever could. And the good ones? They'd never see it coming.
It means something that you know, that you knew, that you'd take the time to tell me this.
You don't owe me an apology. I'm only taking it because you're stubborn, but you're undercity stubborn. You've walked in both worlds, and maybe you feel like you don't belong in either, or only one of them, or maybe I'm talking out of my ass. But to me you're "one of us", whatever that means to you.
You're a real one, Viktor.